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Funny Jokes – 50+ Best & Latest Funny Jokes – You will Feel Happy

Funny Jokes – 50+ Best & Latest Funny Jokes – You will Feel Happy

Deductive reasoning is a lot simpler than many people realize. Just see if it isn’t:

Neighbor 1: “Hi, there, new neighbor, it sure is a mighty nice day to be moving.”
New Neighbor: “Yes, it is and people around here seem extremely friendly.”
Neighbor 1: “So what is it you do for a living?”
New Neighbor: “I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning.”
Neighbor 1: “Deductive reasoning, what is that?”
New Neighbor: “Let me give you and example. I see you have a dog house out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog.”
Neighbor 1: “That is right.”
New Neighbor: “The fact that you have a dog, leads me to deduce that you have a family.”
Neighbor 1: “Right again.”
New Neighbor: “Since you have a family I deduce that you have a wife.”
Neighbor 1: “Correct.”
New Neighbor: “And since you have a wife, I can deduce that you are heterosexual.”
Neighbor 1: “Yup.”
New Neighbor: “That is deductive reasoning.”
Neighbor 1: “Cool.” ???


A small boy asks his Dad, “Daddy, what is politics?” Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the People. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.” So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.” The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.” ???


In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field.

“We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper.” ???


Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying “Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the stork’s parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night.

The baby stork says, “Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!” ???


There was a news headline on the radio which said: “There is a car driving on the M25 the wrong way.” I then realised that my nan happened to also be driving on the M25 so I phoned her up to warn her… “Nan, be very careful because I have heard that there is a car driving the wrong way on the M25.” to which she replied: “I know there’s hundreds of them.” ???


So one night a father is up at 5am waiting for his son. The son creeps in the door. The father asks “Where have you been?” The son replies “Well Dad I was out with some friends tonight and you know what I had sex”. The father is overcome with delight so he opens a bottle of expensive brandy has a drink with his son smokes a cigar and they both go asleep. Next night the son comes back late his dad eagerly waiting for him. The son steps in the door & his father proud as ever asks him “So son you get lucky again tonight?” The son replies “There’s no way I’d be able to have sex tonight my ass is still killing me from the last time”.  ???


A customer ordered a cup of coffee in a restaurant! The waiter served the coffee. The customer found a fly in the coffee. He called the waiter.

Customer: How do I drink this coffee!
Waiter: Don’t you know how to drink a coffee?
Customer: Waiter, see, there is a fly in my coffee.
Waiter: Oh yes sir, you are right! There is a fly in your coffee.
Customer: Waiter, I said, there is a fly in MMY coffee (He stressed the word MY)
Waiter: Oh don’t worry sir, the fly won’t drink much!
Customer: Waiter, it is swimming in my coffee.
Waiter: Sir, do you want me to get a lifeguard for the fly sir?
(Annoyed) Customer: the fly dead, it’s irritating!
Waiter: I guess, it doesn’t know how to swim properly.
Customer: How do I drink this coffee?
Waiter: Don’t you know how to drink? I will teach you!

He drank the coffee! And said, this is how you should drink a coffee. ???


Santa falls in love with a nurse… After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: “I luv u sister.”

Customer called to Tech support: “my computer is not connecting to Internet”
Tech support: “Ok, which operating system are you using?”
Customer: “Internet explorer”!
Tech support: “No, you just right click on “my computer” and click on the properties menu”
Customer: “what are you saying, this is not your computer, it is my computer”!


Santa (reading from book of facts): “Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?”
Banta: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash ?” ???


Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion’s cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn’t say he got out. ???


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