The airline had a policy that required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a – ‘Thanks for flying XYZ airline’.
An airline pilot on this particular flight hammered his plane into the runway really hard. In light of his bad landing, he had difficulty looking the passengers in the eye, all the time he thought that a passenger would have a smart comment. However, it seemed that all the passengers were too shell shocked to say anything.
Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, ‘Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?’ Why no Ma’am,’ said the pilot, ‘What is it’, the little old lady said, ‘Did we land or were we shot down?’ ???
Three guys are stranded in a desert. By a stroke of luck, they find a magic genie lamp.
The genie grants each of them one wish.
The first guy wishes to be back home. Wish granted.
The second guy wishes the same. Wish granted.
The third guy says, “It feels very lonely here now, I wish my friends were with me…” Wish granted. ???
Husband: Sweetheart, would you say that I’m the only man you’ve ever loved?
Wife: Of course you are. Why do all men ask me the same silly question? ???
Rupert and Elaine, a young couple, got married and went happily on their honeymoon.
When they got back, Elaine immediately ‘phoned her mother and her mother obviously asked, ‘How was the honeymoon, dearest?’
‘Oh, Ma,’ she replied, ‘the honeymoon was wonderful. So romantic…’
Then Elaine burst out crying. ‘But, Ma, as soon as we returned home Rupert started using the most ghastly language… saying things I’ve never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to come get me and take me home…. Please Ma.’
‘Calm down, Elaine!,’ said her mother, ‘Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?’
Still sobbing, Elaine whispered, ‘Oh, Ma…words like dust, wash, cook, and iron.’ ???
Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator says “Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says “OK, now what?” ???
The building is all completed and awaiting hand over, before that can happen the Alex wants some poor and incomplete work finished as is normal at these times.
A meeting is arranged between Alex, the main contractor and a sub-contractor, site agent, planning supervisor and site safety manager. A tour is planned of the building to look at relevant defects starting on ground floor. Alex points out badly fitting window frames, the site agent makes some notes and the sub-contractor goes to the window and shouts,
‘Green side up.’
They move to the first floor and Alex points out badly fitted and missing lights, the site agent makes some notes and the sub-contractor goes to the window and shouts,
‘Green side up.’
On the 2nd floor more problems are highlighted, radiator leaking, exposed cables, waste and broken window frame, the site agent makes some notes and the sub-contractor goes to the window and shouts,
‘Green side up.’
This is too much. The safety manager has to ask. So he says, ‘Every time you are told a defect tell, you write it down, but then the subbie yells out the window
‘Green side up.’ What on earth does that mean?’
The sub-contractor shakes his head ruefully and says, ‘I have four blokes laying turf around the building.’ ???